My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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