hotel room ftw
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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