Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
