Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
