mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
