My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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