i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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