i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
