if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
