The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Houston, we have a blender
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
