so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
