She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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