I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
