I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're hate flirting, damnit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
