We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
please don't ironically join a cult
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