I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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