Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize