My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
