So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
