i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
