I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
