I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I forget how to act sober
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
