No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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