mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
