we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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