I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
