dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
