i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
