so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
