I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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