Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
