WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
