It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
