YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
