By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
