Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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