i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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