i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
