we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
