Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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