I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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