what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
