If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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