if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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