i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
