The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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