dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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