Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
