I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
