I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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