I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
